A Dream Vacation-
But Whose?
For 38 glorious
years, my wife and I have been celebrating our wedding anniversary in some exotic
locales. This year, I wondered, "How do we top this?" My
research delved into those lesser-known resorts, the kind whispered about in
travel forums. Many were impressive, but for the travel time? We’d spend more
time getting there than being there. Then, I saw this resort clinging to
a mountain cliff. It looked surreal! My excitement exploded instantly, and my
expenditure followed suit concomitantly!
The combination
of images and our imagination of our destination set our expectations higher
for this dream vacation.
Like any exotic place, there was a dearth of direct
flights. We chose the beloved airlines of America. The check-in was a breeze,
and with extra fees, the seating was easy on the knees. The flight attendant
walked down the aisle like a bride, graciously moving and smiling. She returned
to her seat with poise, and the passengers watched without a noise. We all waited
for her to be up on her feet to pass on a sweet treat! The smile she wore was
not a bore, but we all expected something more. The bride never left the smile or
the seat. The two-hour journey was filled with smiles and miles of hope and
optimism. It appeared she analyzed our BMI and felt that the need to feed would
indeed be a depraved deed. As the plane descended, so did our hopes. We got up
easily as we were lighter and deplaned like a hungry tiger.

Our dome-shaped
cabin was perched on a cliff with phenomenal valley views. The gentle,
invigorating mountain breeze filled the air with the soothing chirping of
birds. It was instantly enticing. Even those who never meditated may enter into
a trance with this tranquilizing atmosphere!
We relished the slowly drifting
clouds beneath us as our spirits soared above them! The two delightful days zipped
by us so fast that we wondered if climate change was making the Earth spin
quicker. It was captivating and
fascinating.
Then came the
"upgrade." We were moved to a cabin that was artistically, and
somewhat alarmingly, wedged between two massive boulders, seemingly floating
over a crevice. The structure was enigmatic, but my wife was ecstatic, and my
instincts said it might be problematic! The maintenance crew, bless their
hearts, helped us lug our stuff to this new wonder blunder: a cabin constructed
entirely of mirrored glass.
The moment we stepped inside, the panoramic view
was breathtaking – we could see everyone and everything outside. It was
stunning. Wait a minute! Could outsiders see us, too, I wondered? The cheerful
maintenance assured us that nobody can see us in the morning, only at night
when we turn on the lights inside! Was that a reassurance or an assurance of an
impending privacy mishap? I was puzzled. There were no water cannons outside
the cabin to drive away the curious creatures. The safest place to change would
be under the beds, if privacy is a priority, perhaps.
Even the
bathroom is completely mirrored glass! Should I wear a Mardi gras mask in the
bathroom to remain anonymous, or should I wear a bathrobe and shower to
maintain my modesty? Never did I have to make such a tough decision in my
career, let alone during a vacation. I had taken moral classes as a kid, but
never about modesty! No curtain can be hung as it is smooth glass. Were we
expected to fully embrace nature and attend to nature’s calls… out in nature? The
cheerful maintenance cheered us that it was the most expensive newly
constructed cabin and that we were the first to experience it. Hmm! Was that inspiring
or merely a conspiring note? I was perspiring
already. He reaffirmed that they are fully booked, and hence, this was the best
choice we had. The gravity of the calamity of the reality began to sink in on us.

For the next three perplexing days, we lived amid Nature; what we saw was all
nature, and what others saw was all natural! I did not dream of living this
transparent life!
We chose perfect shower times when no one could
see us and no one was around. The whole beautiful cabin was a microcube. The
shower was a standing-only affair, and they meant it literally. You could
stand. That’s it. Bending down to scrub your feet? Forget it. I noisily bumped
my head on the glass wall, attempting that very maneuver. I had to support myself on the wall with one
hand, carefully flex my knee upwards, and apply the soap with the other hand. However,
after going for the yoga class the next day, I realized that yoga's tree pose perfectly
suited this type of showering. Though it took several attempts to maintain the perfect
balance, the goal was achieved by the final day. It’s a dream come true. Yoga and
shower in one sitting, I mean, standing!
Even brushing
in the morning required yoga. Clearly an afterthought, the faucet was tiny
enough to be shoehorned into this nano-bathroom beside the shower. To spit the
toothpaste, you must gradually squat and carefully aim the minuscule faucet
lest you decorate yourself. Was this brushing ritual also meant to tone the
girdle? Brushing would have been a breeze if I had learned the ara mandi pose
in Bharatanatyam.
The bedspace
was undoubtedly squeezed. The moment you slide out of the bed, you are practically
in the nano bathroom. I suspect this design caters to two types of couples: the
madly-in-love, inseparable kind, or those teetering on the brink of separation.
There was not much square footage to remain separate in this micro-nanocube.
You have to practice detachment in attachment to survive. Wow! It induced a
spiritual angle to this micro living. When someone said that yoga should be
part of life, I wondered if he lived in this microcosm to proclaim that transparent
truth!

As we began to
adjust and enjoy this beautiful cliffside living, we received an emergency
alert for a tornado warning. Maybe we should have also taken some paragliding
safety classes, lest we experience free paragliding thanks to a tornado on this
cliff! Well, fortunately, the warning waned without a warning. Ironically, we
found a sign for a cliffside paragliding adventure. Curious as we were, we immediately
turned onto that road.
Strange enough,
there was no building other than just the one to our right. We wondered if
other buildings just glided down the cliff! Inquisitive enough, we parked our
car and tried to enter the front porch to talk to someone. Before we realized,
a pack of dogs started to approach us viciously. They were surrounding us and
barking ferociously. I frantically tried calling the paragliding company, but
it went straight to voicemail. I don’t know if the staff took to paragliding to
escape this relentless, murderous-looking pack of dogs. There was no stick or a
twig even to shoo them away. Even an atheist would instantly believe in God at
this point, I suppose. We both started chanting every prayer we could
collectively remember, our voices rising in a desperate, off-key crescendo. Our
chanting volume soon soared to pitches even higher than the dogs' barking, a
vocal shriek in peak that might have confused and slightly distracted the calamitous
canines. They retracted slightly. We took that minuscule window of opportunity
and jumped into our car from frailty to safety! Even if my voice couldn’t
qualify for American Idol, I am sure it could for America's Got Talent!
Apart from a few yoga lessons, sprint training
is high on our list for now to survive safely. Even more dogs surrounded our vehicle
and would not let us move forward. I had to move extremely slowly to move the
dogs from our path. They followed us for a distance and finally let us off. Our
heart rates were in the peak exercise range, and we were sure we would pass any
stress echocardiogram tests. It is time
to amend the old saying “curiosity is the mother of invention” to “curiosity is
the mother of tension in the fourth dimension.” This is probably not the age to
venture into any adventure lest we end up with dentures.