A Dream Vacation- But Whose?
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For 38 glorious
years, my wife and I have been celebrating our wedding anniversary in some exotic
locales. This year, I wondered, "How do we top this?" My
research delved into those lesser-known resorts, the kind whispered about in
travel forums. Many were impressive, but for the travel time? We’d spend more
time getting there than being there. Then, I saw this resort clinging to
a mountain cliff. It looked surreal! My excitement exploded instantly, and my
expenditure followed suit concomitantly!
The combination of images and our imagination of our destination set our expectations higher for this dream vacation.
Like any exotic place, there was a dearth of direct flights. We chose the beloved airlines of America. The check-in was a breeze, and with extra fees, the seating was easy on the knees. The flight attendant walked down the aisle like a bride, graciously moving and smiling. She returned to her seat with poise, and the passengers watched without a noise. We all waited for her to be up on her feet to pass on a sweet treat! The smile she wore was not a bore, but we all expected something more. The bride never left the smile or the seat. The two-hour journey was filled with smiles and miles of hope and optimism. It appeared she analyzed our BMI and felt that the need to feed would indeed be a depraved deed. As the plane descended, so did our hopes. We got up easily as we were lighter and deplaned like a hungry tiger.
Our dome-shaped cabin was perched on a cliff with phenomenal valley views. The gentle, invigorating mountain breeze filled the air with the soothing chirping of birds. It was instantly enticing. Even those who never meditated may enter into a trance with this tranquilizing atmosphere!
We relished the slowly drifting clouds beneath us as our spirits soared above them! The two delightful days zipped by us so fast that we wondered if climate change was making the Earth spin quicker. It was captivating and fascinating.
Then came the "upgrade." We were moved to a cabin that was artistically, and somewhat alarmingly, wedged between two massive boulders, seemingly floating over a crevice. The structure was enigmatic, but my wife was ecstatic, and my instincts said it might be problematic! The maintenance crew, bless their hearts, helped us lug our stuff to this new wonder blunder: a cabin constructed entirely of mirrored glass.
The moment we stepped inside, the panoramic view was breathtaking – we could see everyone and everything outside. It was stunning. Wait a minute! Could outsiders see us, too, I wondered? The cheerful maintenance assured us that nobody can see us in the morning, only at night when we turn on the lights inside! Was that a reassurance or an assurance of an impending privacy mishap? I was puzzled. There were no water cannons outside the cabin to drive away the curious creatures. The safest place to change would be under the beds, if privacy is a priority, perhaps.
Even the bathroom is completely mirrored glass! Should I wear a Mardi gras mask in the bathroom to remain anonymous, or should I wear a bathrobe and shower to maintain my modesty? Never did I have to make such a tough decision in my career, let alone during a vacation. I had taken moral classes as a kid, but never about modesty! No curtain can be hung as it is smooth glass. Were we expected to fully embrace nature and attend to nature’s calls… out in nature? The cheerful maintenance cheered us that it was the most expensive newly constructed cabin and that we were the first to experience it. Hmm! Was that inspiring or merely a conspiring note? I was perspiring already. He reaffirmed that they are fully booked, and hence, this was the best choice we had. The gravity of the calamity of the reality began to sink in on us.
For the next three perplexing days, we lived amid Nature; what we saw was all nature, and what others saw was all natural! I did not dream of living this transparent life!
We chose perfect shower times when no one could
see us and no one was around. The whole beautiful cabin was a microcube. The
shower was a standing-only affair, and they meant it literally. You could
stand. That’s it. Bending down to scrub your feet? Forget it. I noisily bumped
my head on the glass wall, attempting that very maneuver. I had to support myself on the wall with one
hand, carefully flex my knee upwards, and apply the soap with the other hand. However,
after going for the yoga class the next day, I realized that yoga's tree pose perfectly
suited this type of showering. Though it took several attempts to maintain the perfect
balance, the goal was achieved by the final day. It’s a dream come true. Yoga and
shower in one sitting, I mean, standing!
Even brushing
in the morning required yoga. Clearly an afterthought, the faucet was tiny
enough to be shoehorned into this nano-bathroom beside the shower. To spit the
toothpaste, you must gradually squat and carefully aim the minuscule faucet
lest you decorate yourself. Was this brushing ritual also meant to tone the
girdle? Brushing would have been a breeze if I had learned the ara mandi pose
in Bharatanatyam.
The bedspace was undoubtedly squeezed. The moment you slide out of the bed, you are practically in the nano bathroom. I suspect this design caters to two types of couples: the madly-in-love, inseparable kind, or those teetering on the brink of separation. There was not much square footage to remain separate in this micro-nanocube. You have to practice detachment in attachment to survive. Wow! It induced a spiritual angle to this micro living. When someone said that yoga should be part of life, I wondered if he lived in this microcosm to proclaim that transparent truth!
As we began to
adjust and enjoy this beautiful cliffside living, we received an emergency
alert for a tornado warning. Maybe we should have also taken some paragliding
safety classes, lest we experience free paragliding thanks to a tornado on this
cliff! Well, fortunately, the warning waned without a warning. Ironically, we
found a sign for a cliffside paragliding adventure. Curious as we were, we immediately
turned onto that road.
Strange enough,
there was no building other than just the one to our right. We wondered if
other buildings just glided down the cliff! Inquisitive enough, we parked our
car and tried to enter the front porch to talk to someone. Before we realized,
a pack of dogs started to approach us viciously. They were surrounding us and
barking ferociously. I frantically tried calling the paragliding company, but
it went straight to voicemail. I don’t know if the staff took to paragliding to
escape this relentless, murderous-looking pack of dogs. There was no stick or a
twig even to shoo them away. Even an atheist would instantly believe in God at
this point, I suppose. We both started chanting every prayer we could
collectively remember, our voices rising in a desperate, off-key crescendo. Our
chanting volume soon soared to pitches even higher than the dogs' barking, a
vocal shriek in peak that might have confused and slightly distracted the calamitous
canines. They retracted slightly. We took that minuscule window of opportunity
and jumped into our car from frailty to safety! Even if my voice couldn’t
qualify for American Idol, I am sure it could for America's Got Talent!
Apart from a few yoga lessons, sprint training
is high on our list for now to survive safely. Even more dogs surrounded our vehicle
and would not let us move forward. I had to move extremely slowly to move the
dogs from our path. They followed us for a distance and finally let us off. Our
heart rates were in the peak exercise range, and we were sure we would pass any
stress echocardiogram tests. It is time
to amend the old saying “curiosity is the mother of invention” to “curiosity is
the mother of tension in the fourth dimension.” This is probably not the age to
venture into any adventure lest we end up with dentures.
