A Mid Air Theme Park
It was time to revel in the wedding festivities again. As my niece was
getting married, we were excited and began to look for competitive airfares to
India. This newer airlines, with which we had no previous experience, had an
enticing pricing. Nothing else mattered, except the tickets for the three. They
even offered exit row seats just for your bi-weekly paycheck! A deal we couldn’t
refuse, as we were eager to be fresh when we arrived after 20 hours of flight
time.
The check-in was a breeze, and the security did not
displease. As we placed our luggage in the overhead bins, we began to settle in
our ordained seats. Am I adipose? No airlines has ever made me feel this way I suppose!
I began to doubt my body frame and my BMI of 22? Is it the slice of pizza I ate
a month ago causing this? Or may be it was my Scott Evest, I thought filled with
gadgets. I took off the evest. Yet, the same feeling persisted. I may have to
take off my pants to fit in snuggly! Though, it was desirable, but may be unbearable
for others. It was a level four pushup exercise to free yourself from the skin-tight
seat. My arms were stronger by the end of the journey. These seats seemed to compensate for seat belt non-compliance, I thought.
I have seen many companies vying for movie theme toys to
please their customers. However, this airlines went up a notch and incorporated a movie theme to
entertain their passengers. After waiting, which seemed long like an uncut
Benhur movie, I finally got a chance to use the toilet. I quickly realized that
you have to be a Spider Man to accomplish the purpose of your visit. The whole
floor was wet. It was difficult to discern if it was the result of aimless
target practice of the previous human or just plain water. I just couldn’t take
the chance. I had to take the support of the faucet and the side wall, and
raise myself with my already stronger arms (now I understood why they made
seats as tiny they are) and place my feet on the side panels, and balance myself
and execute the job with utmost precision. I profusely thanked the airlines for
such a personable experience. May be people should carry long poles to walk on in
to this spider man theme park in midair!
A stride back to my seat was no solace either. The guy behind my seat kept tapping my seat hysterically to
the extent that I had to turn back and ask him if he needed my attention. He felt
ashamed to have woken up a Spiderman! I have heard of interactive movies, but never
really comprehended. The tiny smudged tv screen in the front provided such an
unique experience. When you choose a movie after several taps, it begins with an
advertisement. The movie begins and freezes. You had to tap the screen several
times to restart the movie. It kept me busy to interact with the screen to keep
the movie going. It is possible that my ashamed co-passenger might have had a
mature scene freeze with his son ogling at it leading to his frantic banging on
the screen to wake up this freshly trained Spiderman.
As I was attempting another peaceful nap, a flight attendant came to ask me if I needed something to
drink. I was not sure what the Spiderman drank normally. After a prolonged ponder,
I asked for a mango juice and water. She confirmed that I wanted “wother”. I affirmed
and said “water”. She reaffirmed and said she would get me “mongo and VOTHER”. I
was at a loss, but appreciated. She came back promptly after half an hour with
a glass of juice, which looked like mango juice. There was no glass of water.
Hoping that she would bring it later, I sipped the MONGO juice imposter. It was very
bitter and disgusting. I immediately asked her, if the juice was spoiled and
fermented as it was very bitter. Then she said it may be due to WOTHkER. I was
confused as I heard a different pronunciation each time. She then showed me the
VODKA (Wother or Wothker), which I believe she decided I wanted it sub consciously.
She went above and beyond her call of duty (probably the airline motto!), and decided to serve him
more than he asked for. I am a congenital teetotaler and this lady wanted to
give it a damn break. I had to purify
myself. I had no other choice but to visit the only theme park with unlimited
number of free passes.
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